a call-in, for fellow trans men*

14 May, 2026

  *this piece is aimed at all types of transmasculinities. it is not organized, and therefore, will function less like an essay and more like a ramble.

"should trans men/mascs be included in 'yes all men'?"

yes.

we are, in fact, quite capable of being shitheads and reinforcing patriarchy, misogyny, sexism, etc. - just like literally anyone else is capable of reinforcing it. my attentions are on trans men/mascs/fellow travellers, because, well...i am one.

common things i've seen said when this is brought up are:

  • "we have different upbringings"
  • "many of us don't pass as men, you know"

it is true that we, often, don't have our identity seen and respected outside of a select few people/social contexts (if at all). it is also true that we, overwhelmingly, had different upbringings that assumed we were women, so we got burdened with the requisite patriarchal/misogynist violence that comes with that assumption. some of us, due to still having our gender perceived incorrectly, may *still* face this violence, even after we have taken steps to transition, and to present as our true gender in the world. still others of us may face this violence on an occasionally-specific basis, such as in healthcare, legal/carceral/financial systems, in housing/employment, or in interpersonal relationships (such as familial relationships).

(many of us were/are also punished for gender transgression, even if we ourselves didn't know we were doing so)

that, in no way, excuses us from learning about our part in deconstructing patriarchy/misogyny, and from always checking ourselves - and taking actual accountability! - on where we may be doing the requisite harm ourselves.

we owe it to ourselves, to the people we interact with on a daily basis, and to the people inside of our communties, especially trans women, transfems, and their fellow travellers, to put a stop to it wherever and however we can.

yes, even if we only have our identity respected within certain spaces. i'd say it becomes even more important there, because a closed/semi-closed space is a fucking breeding ground for violence (be it misogyny, racism, ableism, etc.) if it's left unchecked. and it should not be on women/fems/fellow travellers to call us on our shit (or, more often, to let it fester and let harm continue until it's at a breaking point, for fear of being harassed and attacked by us).

as for transmasc groups (online/irl), we need to check each other and step in when we're saying and doing misogynistic bullshit (especially transmisogynistic bullshit). we also need to be on the lookout for "manosphere" bullshit creeping its way into our spaces, such as pickup artistry, incel rhetoric, MRA rhetoric, etc. it does not matter if women/fems/fellow travellers are in the room to witness this - we should not be allowing misogyny to fly. at all.

(Looking at you, r/ftm...yes, I'm calling out a specific place here, for a long-running pattern of casual transmisogyny. If your first reaction is to get defensive: maybe examine *why* that is, before jumping to accuse me of not *actually* being a trans man/masc, or to otherwise give me a hard time. If you don't wanna examine that: my email is publicly available. Do with that what you will.)

  • it is a lot of responsibility? yes.
  • is it only our responsibility to deconstruct misogyny/patriarchy? fuck no!
      i said before: literally everyone has something or other they can do to reinforce it, as well as to deconstruct it. (this does include women, of all stripes, but i'll leave that to women and their fellow travellers to discuss, as that's well out of my lane)
  • is it - patriarchy and misogyny - inherent to our nature; inherent to being a man/adjacent/fellow traveller? no.
  • is it a coercively taught societal system of oppression and violence, that men overwhelmingly benefit from? yes.
      (yes, men can still be harmed by patriarchy - even cis men. be careful when bringing this up, though: this discussion, if not guided, can quickly be co-opted by and spiral into manosphere rhetoric.)
  • can trans men benefit from reinforcing and recreating said violence? yes.
  • is that still possible, if we're only seen as men in certain contexts/spaces? yes.
  • is that still possible, even if we're not perceived by others as our true gender at all? yes. (it still does harm, even if, to an outsider, the perpetrator is perceived as not being a man.)
  • even if we still experience patriarchal/sexist/misogynistic violence ourselves (however misplaced it is)? yes.
      (side note: "experiencing misogynistic violence as a trans man" DOES NOT EQUAL transmisogyny - that term was coined to describe a specific intersection of systemic oppressions that trans women/fems/fellow travellers face, and is pretty clearly defined by transfeminist authors. please don't start the 'we need our own word' thing. ***that's not what this post is about.***)
  • are men entitled to the physical/emotional/domestic labour of, attention of, affections of, or intimate relations with women/fems/fellow travellers? no!!!
  • even if we're trans men/mascs/fellow travellers? No!!!
  • even if we're "gentle" about those advances? No!!!
  • even if we wield the experiences of our incorrectly-assigned gender as a shield, against accusations/callouts/accountability? NO!!! FUCK YOU to those of us that do that!!!
      sure, we may have been raised differently than cis men, and we may vary in our experiences moving through the world, but that gives us no excuse to NOT be rooting this shit out. both from ourselves, and from our communities.

i don't have much more to say about this. it is on us to check ourselves, our peers, and our communities, and make sure that we stop patriarchal and misogynist harm in its tracks, before it can harm the people around us (and even ourselves - patriarchy does harm men, and it is the fault of other men that it does so). it is on all men to take such actions - both reactive and preemptive, and that includes trans men, transmasculine people, and our fellow travellers.