top of the world

04 April, 2024

CW: implied past suicidal behaviour

run from the place
the one on which you stood
looked down over the world
observed it
studied it
sat in silence
with yourself

the earth on which the
scar runs across
dissection of skin by azure ribbon
flesh continues the cycle
of everything else but you
living in pain
continues the happiness
of everyone else around you

if i cannot know joy
i can ensure the joy of others
it is always for others
cowardice
       (bravery)
      (logic)
     (reason)
      (preservation)
        (sadness)
     (naivety)
    (hope)
   (anger)
    (guilt)
     (humiliation)
       (terror)
         (curiosity)
always prevails
if i am to stay
my life to be linked to others
it will be done my way
should they excise themselves
i know they were not worthy
of being one of the reasons
i am always searching for
to hold onto in the darkness

or maybe it was
"what the hell,
let's see what happens next,"
roll with the punches
come down from that place
and let it all out
no one but me and the wind
to carry it all away
from upon that perch
at the top of the world

C'est ne pas la fin.